Do you ever obsess over something that you can’t have?  

I know, silly question.

Someone posted a FOR SALE notice for a 2009 Vespa on the electronic bulletin board at the office. Even if I had the cash for this kind of purchase, it is at least 3rd in my line of investment/purchases I’d make right now if I had the money to do it.

But…it is sooooooo cute!!!

Now, first let me own the fact that “can’t” is an inaccurate statement. I could purchase this scooter. I don’t carry a balance on any of my credit cards and have all sorts of credit available. I have almost enough in savings (you know, the cash set aside to cover my medical deductible if I need it) to pay cash.  So instead of “can’t” I should more accurately say “won’t.”  See, the reason I didn’t send an email within an hour after seeing this posting (an hour during which I checked the street value of the Vespa on a few websites…no kidding) saying “SOLD” was a choice.

It was also a choice to finally delete the email notification from my INBOX so I’d quit torturing myself with visions of me whizzing back and forth the 3 miles between my office and my house with the warm sun on my back and the cool breeze in my hair.

Were I to have made this purchase, I could honestly say that it was thought through and researched. I’ve been looking at scooters as an option for transportation (a second vehicle in what is currently a single-car household) since before the summer when gas prices soared to near $4/gallon. (I have also looked at Harley’s on-line. When vehicles and fresh air combine, it’s rather intoxicating for me. I admit it.)

Why am I blogging about this?  Well, on the outside chance that someone who reads this might have a Vespa in the garage they no longer want, I do want to be sure that they are aware that I take donations. That’s one reason.  (I’ll resist the smiley face here, but you know it was half typed before I turned it into this italicized parenthetical commentary.) 

Mostly, though, it is part of the journey. Part of listening to the narrative of my own life and figuring out why I do things and don’t do others. 15 years ago I would have heard the “can’t” come out of my own mouth and would have accepted it. I often let myself believe that I was forced into certain sacrifices by some force outside myself. I would have let myself hide behind an attitude of victimology. Thanks to a few wise friends (like Mark Canada who is relentless on this topic) and the grace of God to let me grow over time, I’m learning the freedom in owning my own decisions rather than hiding behind imagined barriers.

Given the opportunity to purchase something I’d like to own at a really good price, I chose to pass. I chose to keep to my commitment to not get into debt and to not let my emergency savings drop below my medical deductible in other than a real emergency. I chose to own my choice without denying that I would have liked to be in a place to chose otherwise — and also that being in this place is, in reality, also a choice.

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