I’ve lived a good part of my life as a non-fan of something that I’ve more recently discovered is woven into me. I don’t think I’m alone in experiencing the internal power-struggles between aspects of who I am and who I want to be. Let me try to explain myself.
Something in me has always gravitated toward the free-spirited, artistic, creative, unfettered life. I prefer shoelessness, when I have a choice. Some use cliché phrases about thinking “outside the box” or reference coloring “outside the lines.” I’ve always longed to be more “outside” than I really am. Perhaps this explains some of why–in my days as a classroom teacher–I took delight in some of the students who drove my colleagues a little crazy.
I’m growing to understand that my brain too much weighs the impact of a thing to let myself do all the stuff I think about doing. I often had “great ideas” which I often shared with others who agreed. Others who implemented the ideas while I watched from the sidelines. I interpreted this as a weakness.
A lack of courage.
A missing sense of real adventure.
Today, I am grateful that God gave me this odd and often at-odds combination of creativity or idea-thinking and practicality or strategic-thinking. I think it puts me in a place to make a contribution to leading change that has some value. I’ve certainly often been in the middle of it, that’s for sure.
But once in a while I just need a few days to abandon my measuring, thinking, evaluating, considering self and let the sing-at-the-top-of-my-lungs, sandcastle-building, finger-painting, flower-picking self romp without so much restraint.